


it takes two

by littlebmam



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, No longer pre-relationship and no longer a one shot, One Shot with a side of angst, Pre-Relationship, Still has a happy ending though so all good, so much pining i might be a lumberjack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27123236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebmam/pseuds/littlebmam
Summary: I got to thinking about what would happen if Bernie and Serena had a fight over how to treat a patient and the patient ended up dying. So I wrote a thing. It's short, it's angsty and it has a happy ending.Added a second chapter because some of you asked for it. You literally brought this on yourselves.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 20
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING! I did some research but I know next to nothing about medicine. If you do and reading this ends up making you want to ignore primum non nocere and hurt me - well, fair enough but I did warn you.

Ms Wolfe and Ms Campbell make a good team, have done since the very beginning of the two of them working together. When Serena operated with Bernie for the first time, she caught herself thinking it felt like a well-rehearsed tango between two lovers. Bernie, who had expected civilian life and work to be dull and mundane, had discovered that once in theatre with Serena, it was anything but.

Everyone who had witnessed the two of them working together to save someone’s life or limbs would tell you that it was the perfect collaboration of two equals, not competing with but complementing one another.

Ms Wolfe and Ms Campbell make a great team. But that doesn’t mean they don’t clash. In operating theatre – never. Once a person is quite literally laid open in front of them, they work to the best of their abilities to do the best job they possibly can while encouraging one another when the pressure of it all gets to be too much.

But just like anyone would tell you they work like a brand new and well oiled machine in theatre, they would also tell you that the both of them are as stubborn as the other when it comes to planning the attack.

Serena Campbell herself would be the first to tell you that Berenice Wolfe, perhaps due to her military career, perhaps simply because it’s in her nature, is gung-ho and at times even straight up reckless. But never once has she not had the patient’s best interest at heart.

If Bernie Wolfe heard that, her response would probably be that Serena is as kind a health care provider as she is competent. But while Bernie would say she is fortunate to have her as a co-lead, she can at times be too stuck within the confines of rules and restrictions set in place in civilian hospitals which in Bernie’s mind occasionally have a tendency of getting in the way of actually helping people in need.

Nevertheless, Ms Wolfe and Ms Campbell make a wonderful team and the two of them working together is a heaven send for those who need their help, an awe-inspiring sight for those who get to witness it and a dream the two themselves had long since given up on hoping would ever come true.

Ms Wolfe and Ms Campbell make a good team – except when they don’t.

***

“Male, early 30s, a stab wound to the neck…”

Bernie had jumped into action the moment the call that a patient was going to be sent up from the ED had come, Serena joining her as soon as the poor man was wheeled in through the doors.

_Good thing the knife wasn’t pulled out_ _by whoever had decided to put it in there in the first place_ , Serena thought as she saw the state the man was in. Even with the knife still in his neck he was bleeding all over the stretcher.

“Okay, straight into theatre with him,” Bernie said in her usual no-nonsense tone, pulling away to go and scrub in once all the information she deemed necessary had been gathered.

Serena frowned, not quite agreeing with Bernie’s decision. Going in blind could have fatal consequences and while Bernie was prone to taking risks, it seemed too risky even by her standards. Serena knew if there was anyone in this hospital who could back up their cockiness, it was Bernie, but even the best fall down.

“Wait!” Serena interrupted, putting a hand on nurse’s shoulder to keep him from wheeling the patient away. “If he’s bleeding from the vertebral artery then surgery is going to be too dangerous.”

“We have to operate, vertebral artery bleeding or not,” Bernie snapped, not at all interested in having this discussion when there was a patient dying right in front of her.

“You’re right but we don’t know. Doing a CT scan would show that-” Serena tried to reason but got cut off by her obviously annoyed co-lead.

“The patient’s unstable! CT would not be safe.”

“Which is why we have a hybrid emergency room in this trauma unit. That’s the whole point of having one!”

“Thank you, Ms Campbell,” Bernie said, her voice condescending which made Serena’s blood boil. “I am quite familiar with the facilities in my unit but no matter what, we would still have to operate. Sooner rather than later, I should think!”

Bernie made a move to go and scrub in once more but was yet again stopped by Serena who stepped in front of her, now truly annoyed by her co-lead herself. Everyone around them was looking at the spectacle, unsure how any of this was going to play out.

“A CT scan would confirm if there is a bleed from the vertebral artery and if so, it would be safer to perform a transcatheter arterial embolization rather than going in blind and hoping for the best,” Serena said, not even having to try to match Bernie’s earlier patronising tone.

Bernie groaned, her eyes blazing as she took advantage of their height difference and looked down her nose at Serena.

“The patient, as you can clearly see because we are standing here and wasting time by having this stupid discussion, is _actively_ bleeding. TAE would take too much time and time we _do not have_.” Bernie stressed the last words, moving closer to Serena until their noses were almost brushing against one another.

“Don’t talk to me like I’m simple,” Serena said, her voice dangerous, trying to restrain herself from stomping her foot like a petulant child, her insides in a turmoil over being both angry at Bernie for her recklessness and disrespect as well as slightly distracted by how close the other woman suddenly stood. At a loss for what to do about it, she decided on attack, a personal one.

“You, on the other hand, are-” Serena started, her voice laced with venom, but Bernie didn’t let her continue with her sentence.

“Trying to do my bloody job is what I am. And trauma, let me remind you, is _my_ bread and butter. If you can’t handle it, stay away, do some paperwork if that’s all you’re good at. I have lives to save.”

Serena was too stunned to reply as she watched Bernie finally walk away, the patient getting wheeled behind the double doors to be prepared for the surgery. Sure, they fought, but they also respected each other. At least that’s what Serena had thought. Right now she was hurt but more than that, she was pissed off. How dare Berenice bloody Wolfe imply she’s nothing but an accountant in this hospital who only occasionally, if she finds the time, gets to actually help someone.

Serena toyed with the idea of actually going to their office to do paperwork instead of scrubbing in just to spite Bernie, but only for a moment. Just as she was about to follow she was approached by Morven coming to let her know that there was another patient being sent up from the ED who was in desperate need of her vascular skills. All thoughts of Bernie and their fight were instantly wiped from her mind.

***

Serena left the theatre two hours later, having successfully saved an unfortunate construction worker and a father of two young boys from losing his leg, and frankly she was feeling rather good about herself.

_Take that, Wolfe_ , she thought to herself as she entered the ward again, her eyes quickly scanning the room, more out of habit than anything, to ensure that everything was running smoothly. She couldn’t help noticing there was no sight of Bernie’s blonde mop but she knew the operation must’ve finished by now. Raf had gone to scrub in with Bernie and he was currently standing at the nurses’ station, face buried in a patient file.

The blinds in their office were open and there was no sight of Bernie in there either. It’s not that she wanted another confrontation with her but she couldn’t help wanting to use the chance to rub Bernie’s nose in the fact that Serena Campbell being good at administrative work had no effect on her exceptional skills as a surgeon.

“Hey!” Serena said, her voice joyous and a tad smug as she walked over to where Raf was standing. “You wouldn’t happen to know where Ms Wolfe is, would you?”

Raf looked up, his face unusually serious.

“Erm, think she went on a break,” he said, looking around the ward as if checking that Bernie was in fact nowhere to be seen.

“Two lunches a day? Who’d have thunk,” Serena muttered. Eating like a college student and looking like a super model – there had to be more than good genetics to it. Not that Serena cared what Bernie’s body looked like, thank you very much.

“Not lunch,” Raf corrected Serena who was already turning away to go to her office. “Think she went for a fag.”

Serena’s eyebrow arched in surprise. “I thought she quit.”

Raf shrugged, his expression sombre, “And she thought she could save that lad.”

Serena’s stomach dropped. The smug joy of her own job well done meant she hadn’t even thought of the fact that Bernie might not have been as successful.

“He didn’t make it?” she asked uselessly, her voice sounding strained even to herself.

Raf just shook his head, focusing his attention back on the file in his hands.

***

It wasn’t a particularly windy day and while Serena didn’t expect it to be warm on the roof, she was nevertheless caught slightly off guard by how chilly it was up there. Not at all surprising was the sight of her co-lead hunched over, leaning against the ledge keeping her away from the very edge of the roof.

Pulling the lapels of her coat more tightly together, mentally patting herself on the back for having decided to go and grab it before coming up here, Serena walked over to the other woman who had given no sign of having heard her approach.

_At least she has her hoodie on_ , Serena thought but it didn’t give her much comfort. Knowing Bernie meant knowing just how hard Bernie could be on herself. To others, Bernie may appear aloof and detached from her patients but Serena knew that she remembered every single one she had ever lost. While Serena understood that it was hard not to feel inadequate when losing someone, she also knew her number would (luckily) never compare to that of Bernie’s, who on some days out in the field had probably lost more people than she could save. Serena suspected that was also the reason why Bernie saw the deaths of her patients here in Holby as personal failure – she had saved people in the backs of moving trucks and under enemy fire which in her books meant there was no reason she should let anyone die now when she had all the equipment she could possibly dream of.

“Hey,” Serena said quietly as to not startle the other woman. She failed.

Bernie jumped but didn’t turn to look at her, her voice quiet and wobbly as she answered, “If you came to say ‘I told you so’, please… just don’t.”

“I didn’t come to gloat,” Serena said honestly, moving to stand next to Bernie to offer her both comfort and protection against the cold.

She truly hadn’t come to gloat. All thoughts of rubbing Bernie’s nose in anything gone the second she had heard the patient had passed away. Serena knew Bernie and she knew she was one of the greatest, if not actually the greatest trauma surgeon this country had to offer. But it was obvious that Bernie herself didn’t believe that right now.

Bernie refused to turn her head towards Serena, her gaze fixed straight ahead, but Serena could see her cheeks and nose were red. She didn’t know if it was from the cold or the fact the woman had been crying. Probably both. Serena had to resist the urge to wrap her arms around her friend who used her sleeve to try and discreetly wipe her nose.

“I should’ve listened to you. You were right, it was too risky.” She turned to look at Serena, her eyes flooded with fresh tears. “I- I killed him.”

“Bernie-” but Serena didn’t get to continue.

“I was reckless. I am reckless,” Bernie said, wrapping her arms around herself for both comfort and warmth. Serena’s heart constricted painfully at the sight of her friend hurting.

“You take risks-”

“Yes,” Bernie chuckled humourlessly. “I take stupid, unnecessary risks and people die.”

“You didn’t let me finish,” Serena said, a tad annoyed at Bernie continuing to interrupt her. Bernie looked at her, eyes wide and vulnerable, expecting an inevitable blow and not even trying to protect herself. Serena attempted what she hoped was an encouraging smile, resting her hand on Bernie’s arm wrapped across her belly to let her know she was on her side, even if Bernie herself wasn’t.

“You take risks but you back them up. You are an incredible surgeon and if anyone in this hospital could’ve saved him, it’s you.” Serena squeezed Bernie’s arm.

Bernie let out a pitiful sniffle. “But I didn’t. I screwed up.”

“If you couldn’t save him, it’s because he _couldn’t_ be saved. You can do everything right and still fail, you know that.”

“But I didn’t do everything right! I should’ve listened to you. I should’ve done a CT scan. I should have at the very least considered TAE. It would have been safer. I should-”

“Bernie, listen to me,” Serena said, taking a step closer to Bernie’s side, her voice as firm as the hand on Bernie’s arm, making Bernie stop her rambling. “You were right, okay? He was actively bleeding. There was no time to think about alternative ways to proceed.”

Bernie didn’t say anything but she shook her head dejectedly and Serena realised she wasn’t getting through to the other woman. She needed a different approach. If Bernie refused to stop blaming herself then Serena needed to take it on herself.

“You made the right call,” she said. “I didn’t. If anyone is to be blamed for his death it’s me.”

Bernie’s head snapped up as she registered what Serena had said.

“What?”

“Time was of the essence and I stopped you from getting him into theatre immediately by stalling you to pick a stupid fight. You did all you could and I messed up. This is all my fault.”

“No, no, no!” Bernie shook her head jerkily, unwrapping her arms from around herself to take hold of Serena’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “He was heavily bleeding, his brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen, he was already showing symptoms of a stroke before he was brought in. One minute earlier in theatre wouldn’t have saved him, Serena. This is not your fault. He was too far gone.”

To Bernie’s surprise Serena’s face stretched into a wide, warm smile.

“What?”

“You’re an idiot, Ms Wolfe, that’s what,” Serena said, shaking her head, but the fond look in her eyes betrayed the real feeling behind her statement.

“Wha- I mean, yes. I am, I know. But I’m not following.” Bernie looked genuinely confused at Serena’s amusement.

“Do you realise what you just told me?” Serena asked, not quite able to believe that this woman could be so bright and so slow at the same time.

Bernie looked genuinely confused for a moment before the realisation dawned on her.

“Oh.”

“Oh, indeed,” Serena smirked.

“You, uh, you’re a very clever woman,” Bernie said, a little stunned at what Serena had pulled off, that it had actually worked.

“Of course I am, if you don’t mind me saying so myself.”

Bernie actually managed a small smile in response to Serena’s only partially faux cockiness.

“Oh, come here, you,” Serena said, pulling Bernie to herself to wrap her in one Serena’s famous bear hugs anyone in need of comfort could rely on her to provide. After a moment of hesitation she felt Bernie’s arms sneak under her coat and wrap tightly around her waist.

Serena smiled as she whispered in Bernie’s ear, “You definitely owe me a bottle of Shiraz, though.”

Bernie pulled back just enough to be able to look at Serena without having to let go of her.

“And why’s that?” she asked.

“You implied that I am nothing more than a lousy bureaucrat and I do not stand for that kind of treatment form you,” Serena said simply, her face serious.

Bernie’s face fell. “God, I am so sorry, Serena.”

Bernie’s hold on Serena loosened as if about to pull away but Serena was having none of that. She gripped Bernie’s hoodie to make sure she couldn’t move away. Bernie’s gaze dropped to Serena’s chin, her lower lip tucked between her teeth.

“I- there’s no excuse. But you have to know, it is not at all true and I don’t think of you like that. You’re- I mean, you’re the greatest doctor in this entire hospital at least. And- Serena- oh, shit! Of course it’s not true. Earlier, what I said earlier, I mean. Not now, what I said now, that’s all true. You- uh, I’m so sorry. Please-” Serena had to to cut Bernie off once again.

“Okay, okay, relax!” she said with a small chuckle. “Didn’t know you had it in you to say so many words out loud in one go.”

“Hey!” Bernie swatted Serena on the shoulder softly but still looked ashamed.

“I refuse to apologise,” Serena said with a wink, then turned more serious again. “I know you didn’t mean that. We were both unnecessarily mean to each other today. So how about we accept that we were both right and wrong and draw a veil over that, hm? We’ll got to Albie’s, buy a bottle, I’ll drink most of it and that’s it.”

“So we’re alright?” Bernie asked, a little uncertain but a smile once again tugging at the corner of her mouth, her finger’s toying with the back of Serena’s blouse.

“Of course!” Serena said. “You’re still buying, though.”

“I wouldn’t dare refuse.”

“That is very wise of you, Ms Wolfe,” Serena said, her hands moving to Bernie’s shoulders to give them a squeeze before pulling back and taking one of Bernie’s hands in her own.

“Come on now, it’s bloody freezing up here. How you can stand it I do not know,” she muttered the last part, pulling Bernie away from the edge towards the metal door separating them from warmth.

Bernie chuckled at Serena’s complaints, well aware of Serena’s strong dislike of the British winter months.

“We’re almost done with our shifts. If you’re nice, I’ll buy you two bottles to warm you up,” Bernie said, opening the door to let Serena enter before her.

“You do know how to show a girl a good time, don’t you.”

“Of course I do,” Bernie said, walking down the stairs next to Serena, their shoulders brushing. “It’s what the second chapter in ‘How To Be A Lesbian: A Guide’ is all about. It’s mandatory reading.”

Serena laughed out loud at that, the sound making Bernie’s heart flutter and insides melt.

“Wait, what’s the first chapter about then?”

Bernie had to stop herself from saying the first thing that came to mind. _Never fall for a straight girl_.

Instead she nudged Serena with her shoulder and said, “Why, cunnilingus of course!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bernie and Serena are both still pining as well as being world class idiots and Bernie buys Serena Shiraz (by the bottle) as promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you asked for a sequel to my one shot and my idiot brain agreed so I guess it's not longer a one shot. I started writing this a while back but I only just got around to finishing it.  
> Hope you enjoy!

As they were leaving the roof earlier that day, Serena had for some reason caught herself blushing at the joke about cunnilingus Bernie had made. Her mind had wasted no time and instantly constructed an image of a certain blonde mop of hair peeking out from between her thighs. The heat pooling in her belly had caught her so off guard that Serena had ended up sending Bernie off to the ward with a promise to take care of their paperwork with the hope of having a bit of time away from her friend and co-lead to get herself back in order before spending the evening out with the very woman who was causing her thoughts to become a jumbled mess.

Truth be told, not a lot of work piling on both their desks got done. Serena was far too focused on deciphering the meaning behind the images in her head. Was she attracted to Bernie? Was she attracted to women? Does that make her bisexual? Serena hadn’t really thought of herself like that before. Sure, she appreciated beautiful women and their bodies and she flirts with them just as much as she does with men. The only difference really being that she had only ever dated men, had only ever seen men as potential suitors. Perhaps it was just because of her up-bringing that made her assume she was meant to be interested in just men.

_Okay, so I might be bisexual. What of it?_

There was a hint of nervous energy coiling in her belly but Serena forcefully pushed it down, deciding she could have an existential crisis about her sexual orientation later on. So back to question number one – was she attracted to Bernie, her ridiculously messy and soft hair, long neck which seemed to be made for nuzzling your face against, her strong arms, beautiful hands, long legs and skilled fingers... _Oh!_ The thought of Bernie’s fingers caused a fresh wave of heat to flow through her.

_Okay, so I’m definitely attracted to Bernie._

Does that mean she just wants to sleep with her or is she interested in something more? Serena actually laughed out loud by herself at that thought. Of course she wanted more. Now that she had thought of having Bernie as more than just a friend she couldn’t imagine not wanting all of her. The question was, would Bernie be interested in giving her more than just friendship?

Serena dropped the pen she was holding, giving up on pretending to work. She wanted Bernie. She loved Bernie. Had done for quite a while now, she realised. She was the queen of take-it-to-the-grave grudges but Berenice bloody Wolfe seemed to be an exception. Serena was apparently incapable of staying angry with someone whose eyes were so warm and innocent, whose smiles were shy but could still melt the hardest of hearts. Other than Jason and Elinor there was no one else she quite as fiercely _needed_ to be safe and happy as Bernie.

 _Oh, I am so fucked_ , Serena thought to herself, dropping her head to rest on her arms on the desk.

***

Bernie came into the office to find Serena flopped across her desk, most definitely not doing paperwork as she had promised.

“You okay?” she asked, moving closer to Serena’s desk, brows furrowed in concern.

Serena jumped much like Bernie had on the roof, sitting up straight and looking at Bernie like a deer caught in headlights.

“Um, yes, yes, all good,” Serena said, her tone far too cheerful to sound genuine, picking up the pen she had dropped and straightening the papers in front of her she had been trying to work on. The last thing she wanted to do was have Bernie ask any questions. She could barely answer her own.

 _If you’re trying to hide the fact that you are in love with this woman, you’re not being exactly stealthy_ , she thought to herself admonishingly.

“Okay,” Bernie drew out the word, not at all convinced by Serena’s response. Bernie smiled to show she was only teasing, “So you weren’t taking a nap at your desk?”

Serena sighed but couldn’t help smiling back at the woman standing next to her, arms crossed and eyebrow raised in a way eerily similar to Serena herself.

“Okay, fine, you caught me! I’m tired and I can’t wait for this shift to end so we can go to Albie’s and get drunk.”

Bernie let out a honk which made Serena’s own smile widen in delight at the sound she had grown to treasure so much. She really did love that sound. She loved that woman.

“We’re almost done. Why don’t I pop down to Pulses and get you a coffee so you can survive the evening, hm?” Bernie asked, already moving over to her desk to grab her purse.

Serena let out an appreciative hum at the thought of a strong hot fresh cup of coffee being handed over to her by these long, nimble fin-

_Enough, Campbell!_

“Yes, please,” Serena almost choked on the words, earning another concerned look from Bernie but she didn’t say anything about it which Serena was thoroughly grateful for, needing some time to come up with what to do about her rather recent discovery about her feelings for a certain former army medic.

“No problem. The ward's quiet so I don’t expect you’ll be bothered while I’m gone,” Bernie said and out the door she went.

***

Serena knew Bernie must care about her. But to what extent, she had no clue whatsoever. Bernie had her back, both professionally and personally. She brought her coffee and pastry in the mornings. She supported and encouraged her in theatre. She bought her Shiraz and spent time with Jason to give Serena time to herself. She really was the best friend she had ever had.

So yes, Serena knew Bernie cared about her. But was she interested in more? Well, there’s only one way to find out, Serena decided. She needed to put them in a situation where she could subtly approach Bernie and gauge her reaction. Unfortunately there was a great risk for heartbreak so the last place Serena would conduct such an experiment would be Albie’s.

***

As Bernie had promised, she and Serena were working on their second bottle of Shiraz but not around their usual table in Albie’s. As they were leaving the hospital Serena had suggested they go somewhere more private. Bernie had no reason to disagree and just assumed that Serena wanted to get away from anything that reminded her of her job for a little while and enjoy her poison of choice in a more quiet setting.

Serena’s love for the drink never failed to amaze Bernie. She enjoyed it well enough herself but the borderline obscene moans that Serena occasionally let slip even when she was well past her first sip or even the first glass of the evening were doing things to Bernie she would never dare mention to her friend.

But her self-restraint was being put to the test tonight even more so than usual when in Serena’s company. They were both more than a little inebriated which meant that Serena’s usual flirty approach to most interactions had now been turned up to eleven.

They were sitting shoulder to shoulder, thighs pressed together and hands brushing against one another as they picked up and set down their glasses. There really was no reason to sit this close to one another but once Bernie had set down their bottle and glasses and sat down with a respectable amount of distance between herself and her friend, Serena had taken in upon herself to slide over to sit right next to Bernie.

There was a glint in Serena’s eyes which Bernie had been afraid after their fight earlier that day she would never get to witness up close ever again. Because of that she was all the more grateful for the chance to be here, even if it was just as friends and nothing more. The fact that Serena apparently wanted to be this close to her was something Bernie could never bring herself to complain about, even if it did make it more difficult for her to keep her feelings hidden away.

Bernie couldn’t really tell the exact moment she had realised she had made the deadly mistake of falling for her very straight best friend. It had started off as kinship, finding someone who understood the burdens of their jobs and lives. It had quickly developed into a friendship which Bernie, she thought with an edge of bitterness, had done more than enough to try and destroy. Why Serena kept forgiving her she did not know.

And then Bernie caught herself blushing when Serena gave her compliments, getting goosebumps whenever Serena squeezed her shoulder or affectionately rubbed her back. Serena was a busy hugger and while Bernie herself had never particularly enjoyed someone wrapping their arms around her body, she found she longed for that kind of contact with Serena. Her memories of the hug they had shared on the roof making her insides melt.

And then, as if having physical reactions to Serena being kind and tactile was not enough, Bernie also discovered her eyes had a habit of looking for the other woman. She had never before been more grateful for people not being able to see behind their backs because otherwise she would have most definitely received a slap from her friend for essentially ogling at her backside whenever she left the office while Bernie was sitting there.

But it wasn’t just appreciation for the finer bits of Serena and starvation from life-long lack of physical contact. It was a desire to make Serena’s life easier: offering to take Jason to museum to give Serena an afternoon to herself, bringing her coffee and pastry in the morning, doing her best to make sure she kept her side of the office clean or at least clean enough, actually making an effort to do paperwork so Serena wouldn’t have to pick up her slack, leaving the best cases for Serena if she had had to participate at a board meeting Bernie refused to attend. The list goes on.

The understanding that she was in love with her best friend as well as well and truly fucked for the exact same reason had come gradually. Perhaps it meant she was slow but Bernie couldn’t help but feel grateful for it. Had the realisation dawned on her all at once Bernie thought she might have ended up running away to the other side of the world, the gradual understanding giving her a chance to come to terms with the fact that the love she had never had the chance to experience to this extent before was destined to be bottled up and ignored for the rest of her life if she wanted to maintain her position as a part of Serena’s life.

It hurt. It hurt a lot, but Bernie was nothing if not a dutiful soldier. If it meant having Serena smile at her from across the office as nothing more than a colleague then so be it. If she was to put her arm to the back of Serena’s chair at a crowded pub only as a friend trying to be comfortable in a limited space then so be it. If she was to wake up to the sight of Serena’s messy hair and clean face peeking out from underneath the covers only when they were sharing a room but not a bed at a conference then so be it. She could live like this. What she had was enough and the risk of losing it because she wanted more was not worth it.

 _I can do this_.

***

Bernie’s apparent lack of reaction to their closeness had Serena mentally screaming. How is it possible to give _nothing_ away. The other woman didn’t seem bothered by being this close together but she didn’t seem to particularly enjoy it either. She seemed a little tense but Serena couldn’t really tell if it was because her back was troubling her, she still felt bad because of the events of the day or Serena’s proximity did in fact make her uncomfortable. Bernie didn’t do physical contact but Serena was fairly certain Bernie did not mind all that much when it was Serena touching her.

But that wasn’t enough to draw any conclusions. If she was to find out anything at all about Bernie’s potential romantic feelings for herself or, Serena cringed at the thought, someone else, she needed a different way to make her friend spill the beans.

“So,” Serena drawled out once there was a lull in their conversation about the horribly hidden lies their children had told them over the years. “Tell me, Ms Wolfe, how are things for you on the love front?”

Bernie who was in the middle of taking a sip of wine coughed and sputtered over her hand before looking back up at Serena, face flushed and lips wet with Shiraz which hadn’t quite made it onto her tongue. Serena caught herself wishing she could kiss it off her lips and not just because she was averse to the idea of wasting good wine but because for once she was longing to taste something other than wine.

“I, uh, I’m afraid there’s nothing to report.”

“Oh, come on! You’re telling me you don’t have your eyes set on anyone?” Serena asked incredulously, not willing to accept Bernie’s awkwardly delivered answer.

“Even if I did, I don’t see why they would be interested.” Bernie looked so sad as she said it Serena’s heart ached with longing to make her friend feel better, her own stomach dropping at the realisation Bernie was quite potentially interested in someone else forced to take the back seat.

“That’s asinine! I’m quite certain I’ve seen F1s actually stumbling over themselves whenever they see you,” Serena said and she wasn’t really lying. There had been one F1 who had been so obviously interested in Bernie as more than a great mentor which for some reason had Serena fuming. At the time she had put it down as silly jealousy at not being the one who was being worshipped. Now she knows it was most definitely jealousy but one of completely different nature.

“Yeah, well, can’t say I’m all that interested in someone who’s the same age as my children.”

“Cheers to that,” Serena said and raised her glass. After taking a sip, she continued with her interrogation. “But still, there is bound to be someone.”

“What can I say, people aren’t exactly lining up for emotionally stunted cripples.”

“Bernie!”

The woman in question looked up and Serena, once again, couldn’t bring herself to be angry when met with slightly moist looking labrador eyes and a sad smile.

“Listen to me. First of all, you are not a cripple and you should know better than to use this kind of language.”

“Sorry. I- I didn’t mean…” Bernie trailed off, looking embarrassed and just so, so sad.

Serena leaned closer, pulling on Bernie’s shoulder to establish at least some sort of eye contact.

“And second of all, if they are not lining up for you then that’s their mistake. You, my dear, are a catch.”

Bernie let out a derisive snort at that. “You have to say that, you’re my friend.”

Serena took a gulp of wine for liquid courage before blurting, “What if I didn’t want to be?”

Bernie’s head snapped up, hair flying across her face, eyes pooling with barely concealed shock and hurt.

 _Oh shit. Could’ve phrased that better_.

“No! No, no, no. Bernie, listen, that’s not what I meant,” Serena said quickly, the pain apparent in Bernie’s features making her desperate to fix the damage she had done in one simple stupid sentence.

“What I meant was, I like being your friend. But- but I’ve been wondering if- well, I suppose I was thinking perhaps you’d be interested in- no, I’m interested in, in more. Do- are you?” Serena was feeling well and properly foolish now. As far as declarations of love went, this may have been one of the worst in history.

“What do you mean? You- you want to be more than- than friends? With me?”

“Yes,” Serena said quietly, Bernie’s continued shock now mixed with disbelief not exactly the kind of response she’d been hoping for, heart plummeting at the realisation any affection Bernie might feel for her beyond friendship was only in her imagination.

“Oh.”

That was it, Serena thought. Bernie didn’t want her. She’d made a fool of herself, assuming, hoping Bernie cared about her as much as she did and now she’d lost the best friend she’d ever had. Serena pulled away from Bernie, letting out a bitter watery chuckle.

“Sorry. I suppose even, what was it you said, emotionally stunted cripples aren’t interested in pudgy workaholics in orthopaedic shoes.”

“What?” Bernie looked at Serena, still shocked but more in control of her emotions. “You- no! What I meant was- I- of course I’m interested. In you! As- as more than friends. I like you. I _more_ than like you, Serena.”

“You- you do?” Serena asked, insecurity keeping her from letting the happiness growing in the bit of her stomach take over and accept that this moment right here might be the beginning of something wonderful.

“Yes. Yes! I mean, I have been- I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long but I never- I didn’t think- I thought you were straight?” Bernie lamely finished her rambling.

“I thought so, too,” Serena said, now unable to hide her joy and relief. “But I realised that I wanted you. In every way. And that’s- well, that’s that I suppose.”

“Okay. Great!” Bernie was grinning from ear to ear. “And just for the record, there’s nothing pudgy about you, you look wonderful.” Bernie’s voice was earnest, eyes filled with something Serena didn’t dare put a name to just yet.

“What about the shoes and the work?” Serena asked teasingly.

“Ah! The shoes I must admit I haven’t paid all that much attention to. I’m much more interested in the woman wearing them. And as far as work is concerned – well, we’re pretty much the same in that department, aren’t we?”

Serena smiled in agreement and set down her glass.

“Are we done talking now?”

“Well, you did ask. But if you had something else in mind…” Bernie trailed off.

“I can think of something,” Serena said, leaning closer to Bernie, eyes unable to stop from glancing at her lips.

“Really?” Bernie asked, subconsciously licking her lips when she noticed Serena looking at them.

“Just a little some-”

Before Serena could finish the sentence, Bernie’s lips were on hers.

 _S_ _o that’s what kissing is supposed to feel like_ , she managed to think before her mind was wiped clean. Bernie’s lips were soft and warm and chapped and not perfect but somehow still just right. It felt new and exciting, yet safe and almost familiar. Like it was meant to be all along. Serena swallowed a moan, a part of her still conscious of the fact they were in public, but she couldn’t help sliding her hand into Bernie’s oh so soft hair.

After a while, Bernie pulled back, her forehead resting against Serena’s.

“That okay?” she asked a little breathlessly.

“More than.”

“Good.”

“Wanna get out of here?”

“Lead the way, Campbell!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it here, thank you!  
> Not a native English speaker so pardon my English as well as my French.  
> Feel free to throw a comment my way. I also accept cookies but they might be more difficult to deliver.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Leave a comment, I'm a sucker for 'em.


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